01 - Ditch That Diet Poem by George Hunter

Break out the bottle and pour me a glass,
I don’t give a dad gum if it all goes to my ass
For I am so hungry that I think I shall die,
So buy me a Big Mac with a bag of french fry.
Super size that order and add on a shake,
When I get on the scales, I want them to break.
A big chicken pot pie and a case of red beer,
As a bunch of cal-or-ies is what I hold dear.
Eat like you mean it, you only live once.
This dieting mania is meant for a dunce.
So roll out the kegs and let’s have some more beer,
And prove to ourselves we have nothing to fear.
I was getting so skinny that when I went down the hall,
I stood sideways before the mirror and saw nothing at all.
I was on this kooky diet to make me more healthy,
But all that it’s done is make me less wealthy.
It’s made me so sad, depressed and all,
That I don’t see how I can last until the next Fall.
I’m having a riot on my see food diet; getting fatter each day,
Will never eat any more broccoli, that’s all I can say.
Call me Fatty, Fatty, Bumbullatty, make fun of me if you will,
For I shall keep eating until over the hill.
So rise up all you porkers, get on that gravy train
And make it your wish to be thin never again.
Put some more butter on those mashed potater
Eat it all up now, don’t save any til later.
I’ll just eat and eat til I get my fill
And get my kicks rolling down the hill.