A Futile Quest Poem by George Hunter

Stopped by the ‘21’, which was on my way,
Thought I’d have a brewski to start the day,
So I eased up slowly on the stool
Trying to look extremely cool.
Gazed at all those big tall taps
And thought I’d have a Hamms or Pabst.
But because today I was feeling neurotic
Decided I needed something more exotic.

Barmaid came over, said ‘What’s your mud? ’
Said, at first, ‘Maybe I’ll just have a Bud.
No, no! Instead give me a Red one.’
She said, ‘You’re all out of luck, son.’
We don’t mix that kind of thing
Except during Rodeo in the spring.’
‘O.K., O.K. Just thought I’d ask ya,
‘Cause I’d always drink them in Nebraska.’

The farmers came in every day
After baling up the hay.
I saw them drinking some red beer,
Said, ‘Also bring one over here.’
It’s easy to fix if you’d just wing ‘er
So don’t get your tittie in a wringer!
Just pour some juice into a glass,
No problemo, just get off your ass.

O.K., Sorry to be in such a bad mood
But my thirst is making me very rude.
Give me a Lone Star beer today
I’ll chug it and be on my way.
You don’t serve it?
Well, it’s the best
Used to drink it in the West
(Texas that is)

Loved to smell that fine aroma
Guess I’ll go to Oklahoma.
Forget that! , I’ll have to pass
‘Cause I can’t afford the gas.
And my old car won’t go that far,
Even to visit a better bar.

Give me a One-Eyed Indian, if you’re able
Called Hatuey on the label
Used to drink it in the Navy
After coming off the wavy.
Ran liberties to Gitmo City
Talk about someplace really shitty.

Now you say you’re out of Schlitz,
Because that tap is on the fritz?
I’ll give up ‘for I get brutal
I see my quest is oh so futile.
Please fill my glass and quit the patter
After a few it just won’t matter!