A Realization Poem by Jessica Elizondo

Theres a bullet lying in my hand,
and as of now I'm hoping I wont waste it.
regrets tie my other hand behind my back.
No other way but this,
I found no light, no bliss.
others may look down on this, on me.
But they'll soon have to look up, because I'm
hoping that's where I'll be.
why leave a note? I've been leaving clues.
People may miss me, but they have a humurous way of showing it now.
Nobody sees me and that has brought this.

Staring at the gun on my bed, it's details are the last thing I'll ever see.
i hold the gun up to my head, ironically I think how this will blow everyone's minds.

I count,1,2...

............
I'm still here?
I try once more.1,2........
nothing.
I check to see if the bullet is even in the chamber.
its gone!
but how?

....Light, suddenly too bright, shines through my window.
The gun is slapped from my hand, and tears flow unwillingly
from my eyes. My hand that was once bound, is once again at my side. The light goes away.
I feel stunned.
What just happened? !
I continue to stand there, dazed.

My phone rings..
I look at it still dazed
who could be calling?
Nobody knows my number..

'H-H-Hello? ? '

'Elli? Hey, it's Kim from math class. I know we don't know each other very well, but I was sort of wondering if you would like to come to a cookout/party my church is hosting? '

'Um, w-why me? ' I was still trying to wrap my mind around someone calling me, nobody cared I thought? 'I mean we don't know each other, why would you want me to come? '

'Well, You looked like a pretty cool girl from what I can tell and I tought this would be a great I dea so we could know each other a little more. so whatcha think? '

There was a long pause. I thought no body could see me..
then she spoke again.

'If its too weird, me calling you out of the blue like this than..'

'no, ' i said ' I'll come... Where do I go? '

'We can pick you up! ' her voice sounded cheery, suddenly as I gave her directions to my house.

We hung up...
What was I about to do? ..
Suddenly my life seems like reality again.
i throw the gun and it thuds on the floor.
i feel wierd, i feel... light.

Haunting thoughts no longer linger.
A realization...
someone.. or something is..

protecting me?

My heart changes before my eyes and for once its not filled with.. darkness?

My mind no longer contains hate, but forgivness? ?

I sit down......I was about to make another stupid mistake....

I feel sudden arms around me as I start to sob with my head in my hands.

..A fast realization....

One that changed everything I stood for..