Adam Dreamt That God Was An Umbrella Poem by gershon hepner

Eve dreamed that when it rained God came
with an umbrella. Not the same
was Adam’s dream. He felt confused
by Eve, and thought God never used
umbrellas, as she’d dreamt, for He
Himself was an umbrella. We
don’t know if this is true or not.
Perhaps He’s one when it is hot.
They make the best ones in Japan,
and try to sell them with a fan.
They’re known, of course, as parasols,
and gals who use them look like dolls,
while guys who use them, I would say,
tend to look a little gay,
that’s like someone who’s just a little
pregnant. Wait a bit and it ’ll
become a lot more visible,
and hopefully permissible.

When it’s raining I would bet
there is no risk God might get wet,
so why then should He use, or be,
as Adam may have dreamt, as we
have recently been told, umbrellas?
Besides, He could stay in His cellars
until the rain stops. I believe
that that dream which was dreamed by Eve
is wrong, like that which Adam dreamt.
It isn’t possible to tempt
God even when it’s really pouring.
I won’t go on, in case I’m boring
children, who are far less odd
than Adam-Eve, and think that God
is probably an old man with
a white beard-which is not a myth.
He’s basically a heaven dweller
who won’t fold up like an umbrella.


Inspired by a story from “Blue Has No South, ” by the Israeli writer Alex Epstein, “Last Dreams in the Garden of Eden.”