gershon hepner

Rookie - 10 Points (5 3 38 / leipzig)

afternoons


Leaning into afternoons I cast
my nets into your eyes, because I wish
the feelings that I hold for you to last
far longer than the flavor of a fish.
The signals that I send to you are crossed
so often when we make love in the night,
that almost every morning I feel lost
and try to put your demon fears to flight.
When looking in your eyes I see that you
believe I’m always asking you too soon
for love to be requited, and renew
my efforts with my nets each afternoon.
Don’t tell me that you think I’m building castles
in Spain, or in the air, or in my mind,
and wait again to see the night’s blue tassels;
now, in broad daylight let us be entwined.

Inspired by Leaning Into the Afternoons, by Pablo Neruda

Leaning into the afternoons I cast my sad nets
towards your oceanic eyes.

There in the highest blaze my solitude lengthens and flames,
its arms turning like a drowning man's.

I send out red signals across your absent eyes
that smell like the sea or the beach by a lighthouse.

You keep only darkness, my distant female,
from your regard sometimes the coast of dread emerges.

Leaning into the afternoons I fling my sad nets
to that sea that is thrashed by your oceanic eyes.

The birds of night peck at the first stars
that flash like my soul when I love you.

The night gallops on its shadowy mare
shedding blue tassels over the land.

Submitted: Monday, May 30, 2005
Edited: Friday, May 07, 2010

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Comments about this poem (afternoons by gershon hepner )

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  • Rookie , aryaindia (7/24/2008 12:20:00 PM)

    Your write is truly magnetic in its dwelling philosophy of life and its worth. Thanks for sharing. regards. arya (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Emma Johnson (2/15/2006 2:39:00 AM)

    I love the interplay of images (net-fish) and the magic of your words ('night's blue tassels') . Susie. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Raynette Eitel (6/10/2005 11:06:00 AM)

    Line four has a typo...I think. That should be than. I also think some of your tenses are crossed. Example: 'The signals that I send to you are crossed so often when we'd make love in the night...' I re-read Neruda's poem and feel you have captured the flavor without using too much. The blue tassels of night leave a wonderful image. Try to delet as many 'thats' as you can. I feel it takes away from the poetic value.

    Raynette (Report) Reply

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