Beloved Violence - Poem by Kevin Eaglesfield
At the time,
I knew it was my fault
When dinner wasn't right
And you threw it across the room
And forced my arm up my back.
I knew I was unreasonable too,
To text you when you didn't come home.
I ached far more inside then
Than the blue and black and yellow showed.
You were right when you told our friends
How stupid and ugly I was,
And I knew I was lucky
That you chose me.
Surely you were right as well
When you said, ' No pain, no gain', in our room
And said it showed how much you loved me.
I cried so much before,
Not from shock and pain
As I got up off the kitchen floor,
Or staunched my nose,
Or waited for my breathing not to hurt,
But from the guilt and shame
Of making you do the things
That made you hurt so much.
From pushing you so far that you punched
The words and situation, never me,
Then had to cope with your own tears after
I'd made you into something you're not.
I used to miss you so much
When you weren't there.
Then I missed you when you were,
But I stamped inside
And you stamped outside
As I reaped what I sowed.
I was afraid you'd go, ashamed, a nag,
Nosey, a burden, useless, interfering, lazy, thick.
And guilty.All my fault.Guilty.
One thing I feel no guilt for though-
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