Betrayed By Death Poem by VUSI CHRIS VENUS MALALA

So life begins at birth and ends with death. Isn't somehow odd that we are given nine months to prepare for the birth of a child but with death it's usually sudden, unexpected and unclear for most. Generally there are two ways of coming to earth, natural birth or through the C-section but death comes in many ways. I am forced to understand that it is the necessary end, part of the human course and journey.
What is the destiny then? People die and leave us and without meaning we force ourselves to come up with those meanings to understand what really happened on that moment.
There are discrepancies though

I have spent 12 years of my life pretending that I am in terms with death and acknowledging the fact that at one point or another it will come for me but really, have I? I lost many significant and pivotal people in my life and I was coping well with it because i was able to lie to myself that all is well.
I mastered the art to an extent that after my brother passed I just overlooked it and I lived my life life nothing terrible happened.

Well that was in 2006, almost a decade now and everything seemed well until death decided to strike again and this time it took a whole part of me. It took my Queen, The Love of my life, The base of my pyramid, First wife, prayer partner, My mentor, Role model, my lawyer, my doctor, my mother, my father and my everything. Death took the lady who made me and it's only now still after she is gone that I feel EMPTY, LONELY, SCARED AND OVERWHELMED

They say home is where the heart is and now I am asking where is my home now because in her heart I kept mine, she gave me unconditional love and comfort, taught me how to navigate life but she never thought of giving me a crash course or survivor guide to prepare me to live in her absence. They all telling me she is smiling from above, WOW really... that really makes me feel so much better because they all assume I wanted her to be an angel.

Some say I should celebrate her life, well... which life if she is not there. The lady saw me in and out of TUT, she was proud of her grandson, saw me establishing myself, constructing my Identity and she outlined how happy she was about the progress I have made in my life. Now when I took heed and responded to the call of doing Social work, deriving from her HUMANITARIAN teachings, she leaves.
Just like that

How selfish, inconsiderate and ruthless could death be? My life is shattered and I cannot seem to find the bigger fragment. I am witnessing it plummeting right before my eyes
'Time is the healer Vusi' and I am like how much time. More days have gone by but it is starting to sink in deeper. Nothing makes sense and the silent sounds are too loud now.

Death betrayed me by taking all I had. I feel that I am not in control of my faculties and I am slowly losing it. This fight is too much for me. The burden is just too heavy to bear. I listened to them telling me that she lived a prosperous life,100 years and I feel robbed, cheated on and abandoned.

She directed my planning and dictated my wellbeing in a wonderful way. From the hymns she sang when I was a child... I vividly remember her melodious voice as she sang 'Thula manje wenhliziyo, sengifuna ukulalela' a sweet sound of her voice when she would further sing 'Lalikhul'ilanga engasindiswa ngalo' that is just how my childhood weekends tasted. It was melody all day.

Lady taught me to pray, said that when I'm stuck in trouble I should always know that the DISTANCE BETWEEN ME AND THE SOLUTION IS ALWAYS EQUIVALENT TO THE DISTANCE BETWEEN MY KNEES AND THE FLOOR
Death shrinks all the lifetime sweet memories and compresses it into meaningless and helpless moans of sadness, despair and loneliness.

The lady is GONE not coming back and I am not looking for quick fix solutions to the problem I have now. She never approved of ALCOHOL and part of me really wants to drown my sorrows in that. Secondly she never approved of tattoos because of religious standings I would surely have her face inscribed on my arm.

I am honestly losing this battle.