Caught Between Roses And Thorns. Poem by xolisa stuurman

Who am I to think as I think?
Who am I to speak as I speak?
To be as I am.
To be what I can be.

The world has taught me to rely on my thoughts, better than what I feel.
Depend on my mind, rather than my soul.
This soul being interpreted in many languages, be it the spirit, the subconscious.
It’s all the same to me.
For one way or another it calls us on the side and exchange words with men,
More than we do ourselves.
I want to be free, but only I have the ability to open more to its words.


This is I, I am this spirit that waits for attention, hoping, wishing
You’d knock and be answered.
Many times I command both ears to silence.
A quick reaction I’ve carefully monitored over the turning point of my life.
Incompetent in reading between the signs for my eyes worn out due to predictions of what maybe, but never is.
I’ve learned to accept what the world feeds the mind; it even failed to surf out what fills me.
So acceptable that I’d give myself away just for an applause from the ones I hold dear to my life, than I do my life.
Avoiding chances, choices and door that open doors to freedom.
Instead of being trapped and chained to this dear friend of mine,
I call it superior, suppresser, Goliath, killer… Fear.


With fear my days seem dark until I figuratively fade.
Faint is the picture I once draw with a smile, as I visualize the person I am.
Dreaming of who I can be…
Yet slowly the mirrors I hold today reflect me moving away from the closest hill.
This friend rejoice in my misery, makes me stay in situations those that are sad before those that can find me happiness.




Did anyone ever tried even whisper that on earth I’m destined to meet with fear and Love, nothing else?
A choice that seem so simple, yet hard to make.
For the world has taught me to take a route most traveled.
A road that allows fear to take over what could be…?
It closes down my dreams, draws me in a dark closet, runs my life, and hides my abilities finally helps in harming precious me.
It wraps my body in clothing, clutch and cling to all that I have, in case there’s nothing beyond these walls.

Love you care, but here I am drowning in my tears.
For you could have expanded my dreams, opened the closet, ran my race, revealed my capabilities and healed self inflated wounds.
For you allow me to stand naked in an ordinary scene and amend for peace.

Strange as it may seem I pass you for you don’t exist in my world,
Though an abstract that conquers not only the heart, but all that I am.
You remain unknown, unsearched most time without attempt.
Listen…you speak
I hope to comprehend when you tap my shoulder for that attention, hoping wishing
I’d knock and be answered.
For a lot of us die with the music still playing in our hearts.