Honny Zubedi

Rookie - 104 Points (Jan.30th.1961./Jun.4th.1982. / Karachi, Pakistan.)

COMPLAINT.


Everything is very fresh and green;
But by your eyes they can't be seen.
Oh! why aren't you here with me darling;
The grass, trees and flowers too are complaining.
The cool spring at the mountain's base;
Into the brook, its water flows with such grace.
Darling if only you'd listen to my heart;
Living the life, won't be so hard.


Dated: 02/19/1979.

Submitted: Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Edited: Sunday, April 27, 2014

Topic of this poem: love hurts


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  • Veteran Poet - 3,995 Points Bri Edwards (4/24/2014 10:37:00 PM)

    i don't have a complaint, BUT poemhunter says not to use all capital letters in a title, i believe.

    i shall now add some comments and corrections (as i see them) within the poem.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    COMPLAINT.

    Everything is very fresh and green;
    But by your eyes they can't be seen.
    Oh! why are n't you here with me darling; .............[aren't, not are n't]
    The grass, trees and flowers too are complaining.
    The cool spring at the mountain's base;
    Into the brook, it's water flows with such grace............[its, not it's; it's means something else]
    Darling if only you'd listen to my heart;
    Living the life, wont be so hard...........[won't, not wont// WONT IS A different word, as i have copied, below]
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    wont
    wônt, wont/
    adjective
    literary
    adjective: wont

    1.
    (of a person) in the habit of doing something; accustomed.
    he was wont to arise at 5: 30 every morning
    synonyms: accustomed, used, given, inclined More
    he was wont to arise at 5: 30

    noun
    formalhumorous
    noun: wont

    1.
    one's customary behavior in a particular situation.
    Constance, as was her wont, had paid her little attention
    synonyms: custom, habit, way, practice, convention, rule More
    Paul drove fast, as was his wont

    verb
    archaic
    verb: wont; 3rd person present: wonts; 3rd person present: wont; past tense: wont; past participle: wont; past tense: wonted; past participle: wonted; gerund or present participle: wonting

    1.
    make or be or become accustomed.
    wont thy heart to thoughts hereof

    Origin
    Old English gewunod, past participle of wunian, ‘dwell, be accustomed’ of Germanic origin.
    ====================

    pretty much everything else about the poem I LIKE. in fact, i'll send it to MyPoemList. i enjoy the speakers words and the rhymes. thanks for posting these poems of a departed poet. bri :) (Report) Reply

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