Control Poem by Casey Gochnour

I can’t believe my lack of control,
When such a thing has been my only goal.
To keep the strong will of my mind intact,
So my mind could never overreact.

Emotions have been coming to me at full force,
Feelings of joy, also feelings of remorse.
There’s one problem I’ve known I’ve had,
All in or all out, which is bad.

I’m not so good at moderation, though I try my best,
It’s a flaw I’ve had forever that won’t get off my chest.
I’ll either take the fall or not at all,
I either let in everything or build up a wall.

I shut down completely what I don’t want,
It’d be gone entirely so it can’t taunt.
I don’t want the desire to come up once more,
I desire control, that’s what I ask for.

But I realize now that I do it the easy way,
Although it wasn’t realized just today.
I shut it out to make control easy to make,
Instead of learning to control desires, for heaven’s sake.

It’s either all of it or none at all,
That’s how I answer desire’s call.
But I need to learn to face my craving, so tall,
And knock it down into something so small.

I don’t want to be lazy, I want to do it right,
I don’t want things to be hazy, I want it all in sight.
I want the options but be able to deny,
I don’t want to sit here and wonder why,

Why can’t I control myself?
Well, I let down the wall for too long.
It’s not that I’ll shut you out,
I just learned to control my lust long ago.
And I need it back.