Crossword Puzzle Lover Poem by Jim Yerman

I love crossword puzzles, they’re like a mini quest
I’ve always found the New York Times Monday puzzles, for me, to be the best!

I like to buy them in big books, for if there’s an answer that I lack
No need to worry or strain my brain, the solutions are in the back.

There’s a puzzle in the Times every day but what sets the Monday ones apart
Is many of their clues I can solve on my own and that makes me feel smart.

As I completed the last Monday puzzle in the book I had a feeling I never had before.
I thought, “Monday puzzles have become too easy, ” and I wanted something more.

I only wish I would have thought it out, reflected, then used my head
Perhaps I would have moved to Tuesday or Wednesday, but I chose Sunday instead.

As I purchased a book of 200 Sunday puzzles. I boasted, “ I’ll finish them all! ”
But then I hit the first obstacle...the printing was much too small.

“So I have to squint.” I told myself, “I imagine everybody does.”
But the next obstacle was even more difficult...I’m not as smart as I thought I was.

I have been to colleges and soaked up all the knowledge they dispensed
But the clues in the Sunday crossword failed to make any sense.

I don’t know my Norse Gods. (Who does?) And my Greek myth’s I’ve forgotten.
Who knew there was an eight letter word for a variety of cotton!

There are clues for songs I’m supposed to know that I couldn’t sing a word of? 
And how in Heaven’s name can I name the capital of an island I never heard of?

I didn’t know the cylindrical roller inside a typewriter is called a platen
And who in their right mind knows verb origins in Latin?

I do not know composers or philosophers, or the places they have dwelled
And I don’t know my Jewish months let alone how they are spelled.

I don’t remember dates or times or names or Bible verses
I don’t know the names of rivers let alone what state each one traverses.

And if not understanding the clues wasn’t enough to make me feel tense
Even after I looked them up...the solutions made no sense.

I could go on and on about the things I thought I knew...but don’t
However, in order to stop your boredom and retain my sanity...I won’t.

Suffice it to say I paid fifteen bucks for this book and as a piker I shant abate
If you’re wondering...piker is a 5 letter word that, basically, means cheapskate.

Oh I’ll finish these 200 Sunday puzzles, I’ll get through this whole ordeal
No matter how long it takes me...no matter how dumb I feel.

And when this Sunday debacle is over, when it mercifully comes to an end
I’ll happily return to my Monday puzzles...and I’ll never stray again.