Dear One Who Thought They Knew Me Poem by Crystal Williams

I know I’m not perfect
I know I’m no angel
I know I’ve made mistakes
Let a guy fool around
But how do you think I became this way
Do you think one day I just chose to be like this
I never thought
I would loose my virginity this way
Yeah I was a little wild
But it wasn’t something
I thought Id do
And when it did
I felt and knew I let myself down
But maybe if I wasn’t molested by him
I feel I wouldn’t have been so curious
If he didn’t cover my mouth
And force him self in me
I don’t believe I would have been like this
It wasn’t once
It wasn’t twice
It happened all the time
He told me age was no factor
Even though I knew it was wrong
How could I be strong to honestly tell?
When he said he'd hurt my family
He was hurting me physically
Now every night I felt ashamed
Ashamed for not saying something
He always asked me, 'Does it fell good? '
'Do you like it? '
I always told him 'No'
But it didn’t matter
He kept going
Night after night
It didn’t stop until it was over between them
But he wasn’t the only one
A couple of years later
Someone you wouldn’t believe came
Still I can’t even say his name
Because I know you'd kill him
It was right under your nose
Id end up with bruises and scratches
What did you think it was from?
He pinned me down
While hitting on me
Stuck his hands and other parts in me
Every time I thought I could tell you
I knew you'd go to jail for killing him
Only once he actually
Was able to force it in me
All the other times something or some else
Would interrupt his invasion
When he finally did
I screamed and cried
Seemed like he got a thrill from it
I could see it in his evil eyes
I felt so low and useless afterwards
Still so afraid to tell you
The thing that made me the sickest the most
Is that I was only twelve
And he was a lot older
You thought I was a virgin
And had gave it up to 'some' boy
When really it was stolen from me
Before the time you now know about
I had never willingly decided to do it all on my own
So when you were so disappointed in me
I so desperately wanted to tell you
But I just couldn’t find the words to say
But I guess its time you knew the real truth
And that it is only the beginning
Of what you don’t know about me
Just take a step back and look at me
Dear one who thought they knew me