Doll Poem by Aya Amuro Zhou

If I could be anything - I would be a doll... a beautiful doll that cannot feel happiness or sadness...just viewing the many people with an enigmatic glare.

I am tired of living this life - and I've already tried to hang myself thrice....But yet - I am withheld by a lingering promise I mad so ever vaguely years ago....

I fake my happiness for my the sake of my loved ones... I never want to be happy when they're sad...to avoid such a scenario - I've decided to act with the atmosphere...

Acting with the atmosphere is a wonderful skill... honestly - I've begun to loose my emotions....I'm slowly becoming an abandoned doll....

I've lost many friends who I loved - and I have only but suicidal friends left.... the ones who aren't - I'm beginning to forget because the ones who are... I have been trying to make happy....

Right now I am only hurting myself...if any of my friends are in pain I hurt myself more then anyone can imagine... I feel myself useless - if I couldn't protect my family back then...how can I know I can protect my friends - I mean I couldn't protect many a few years ago...

I've fallen to hurting myself on purpose... hating myself...and I've been tempted to cut...what has happened to this life of mine? Somehow - in the end - I just wish to be able not to feel and only bring happiness to those...who I truly love... I would do anything for the ones I love...but...if I'm inept to make them happy...maybe I am not worthy...

If I could become anything - I would be a doll...a beautiful doll that cannot feel happiness or sadness...just viewing the many people with an enigmatic glare. For those who love me, or show any concern take these words as a grave warning.