Kay Tee

Don't Get Better Without Me

It's almost like I crave the pain.
I don't want to be numb to this.
I can't get better.
That means I'll get better without you.
If I'm without you,
And I'm better,
then you will just be part of my past, and I swore I'd never let that happen.
I want you to be my present,
And my future.
I don't want to end up like you;
Afraid and almost unable to let go of what is nothing but a memory.
To you it seems like its real because it's happening all over again.
I don't want to feel the pain, but I only want it to disappear if this gets better.
With you.
Don't forget me.
 And not cause you said you wouldn't.
Don't forget me because you don't want to forget who I am and what I mean to you.
If what I mean to you is even half of what you mean to me then I'm okay with that..
It hurts because everything that you mean to me is everything she meant to you and still does.
I want a fair chance.
What I deserve was taken away from me.
But not just taken,  
Ripped apart.
Tortured and turned into something I had always feared.
I ask God why and its no longer in the form of a prayer.
That scares me.. 
I'm scared because I don't feel Him anymore.
I know He is there.
But my soul has been emptied out and darkened by harsh decisions. 
Let me go.
Let me be and have what I want.
I've asked for nothing but to love.
Sometimes that is also too much to ask.

Submitted: Sunday, August 04, 2013
Edited: Monday, August 05, 2013
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