Dreams In My Sleep Poem by Neo Patricia Monamodi

Someone told me I’m heading towards depression and I laughed
She said I’m crazy and I should see a doctor
She said let me be your advisor, and save you from this disaster
Again, though I would have loved to believe her I looked at herand her
and just laughed, it's just dreams,
I have a mind of an artist and think like an actor I don’t need no doctor!

When blood drips from my hands and tears of fear fall from my eyes;
When the jaws of this dog that bites me lock in my hands;
When this little boy whose face I never ever see unlocks it’s jaws and sets me free;
When faces of people from a distance, grow pale from shock and fear;
When I wonder if the boy could be the love I rejected and beat myself up for not loving him;
I wake up from this strange horror to a glass of cold water, and it all dies away.

Someone said I have a pessimistic mind that would only work if I was Sean Penn;
But then my hands are all wet from water in the tub again like times before…
And his face has turned green from being suffocated by water in my upper room;
And there’s this green nerve under my right eye from shock and absolute fear beyond expression;
His father comes rushing upstairs to my loudest scream and I try to get words to tell him;
The look on his face says it’s ok…It could have happened to anyone..

Down the stairs I look for the dress I bought for the wedding, but end up wearing my jeans
Such a beautiful sight with all women wearing lilac dresses and men in their gray suits and yellow ties;
I keep looking around but I don’t know what it is I’m searching for
I look until I find it! ...the camera..i am the photographer at the wedding!
It is such an honorable thing, for I am an artist… but where is he?
I look around for him to tell me I look pretty, with that little flower in my kinky hair..

Things here are perfect, they’re going to fly for their honeymoon at Pharaoh’s!
They have all the blessing of the preacher’s wife like they did eight months before;
The beauty of the wedding gown and the unfading smile on the bride’s face;
The perfect combination of the bridal team: their complexion, ..where is he?
I keep looking for him until tears form in my eyes from anxiety and thirst for his hug…
Everything here is in it’s place, except that I can’t find the one my heart loves in this crowd.

I love the subtle music especially the sounds of Peter Gabriel
The peaceful feeling brought by the sound of waters fountains in the distance
The crisp sound of children laughing from behind…and I look for him still
The sound of leaves under my feet is so adorable, and the scent of fresh roses held by the bride.
The friendly faces of good looking men, who shift as I pass from behind to the alter;
Looking to find a better view of the beautiful couple to complete my duty…

What a beautiful surprise! No, what a sickening painful surprise!
Of all the places I looked at, he is in front of my camera!
Could not anyone tell me! Not even my own mother told me;
The Bible should have said of the unexpected outcomes of young love;
Patrick said it is like watermelons in sale, I thought he only spoke of impurity.
Even beautiful young love is as impurity, for it dies at the sight of new love…