Estrange By Blood Poem by dakota kennedy

I guess I always knew this was to come the pain of the absence estranged by blood, the words that I somewhat wanted to hear because of my own selfish reasons, the anger that boils deep inside me but no one else can see. As people share their grief with each other and I feel nothing, is that wrong? No, I don't believe it is, for everything I have been through, for everything I have felt, feeling nothing was a change in its own.
People say nobody ever wishes for this to happen as I say they do it to themselves things don't just happen there are events leading up to things like this. Is it wrong to say I have imagined this happening? That I thought about this before in many ways? And in the end they all had the same ending that would make the worry of many fade away.
But, I sometimes wonder the what if, what if they were there, if they were there to watch me grow into my own maybe I wouldn't feel this strange feeling of not feeling anything for them. But my feelings are my own and nobody can tell me how I feel because I don't even know what I am feeling so how can anybody else know?
I guess I always knew this was to come the pain of the absence estranged by blood and I guess I always knew this pain would be brief and then I would feel nothing at all but maybe a slight relie