God Laughed At Me Poem by Keel Lincoln

I looked at the world, and I looked at my life ahead,
I saw what there was, and what there would later be instead,
I saw my future as I felt it should be,
I’ll tell you, what it was I did think I would see;
I looked to the sky above
I said to God what I thought of:

“I will not go off to college,
There is little for me to learn there,
I’m into a different kind of knowledge,
So I will openly declare,
That I will simply start my life off as an artist,
Forget about being one of the smartest,
And just breathe and live free,
Drawing, juggling or as a magician, just wait and see.”

Up above God sat and laughed at me with a smile,
He looked down and said, “Oh, how I love you my so ignorant little child.
You will go to such a school, you will learn more than you can know,
You’ll meet people to help you grow, for the first time you’ll even touch the snow,
Classes will be hard, life will be harder, but there is much you will learn,
For this will be the greatest way for you to truly earn,
What you need to know, to actually grow.”

I told words to him again up above,
“It should also be known that I will never fall in love,
The way I see people act at times is insane,
To commit so dependently to another to retain,
That if they should not have them there pain would make them feel so meaningless,
I will never let such a feeling control me into such ridiculousness.”

Up above God sat and laughed at me with a smile,
He looked down and said, “Oh, how I love you my so ignorant little child.
You will love as you say you won’t for one,
And share in the pain you claim you won’t find,
From it you’ll learn more than a little or some,
The oddest of places you will end with your mind.”

And now here I sit, writing this poem,
And this what I say,
Will happen when tomorrow becomes a yesterday,
“I fell in love, and from it I lost a close friend,
And now I’m sure I will never ever love again.
I can’t find a desire for what to do as a career,
So shall find nothing I can do being so austere,
And I’ve fallen into the Abyss of my own fear.
I don’t think there is any competition I could win,
I’m lost in the crumble of my controlling sin,
Forever I will be, and forever I shout,
That someone will find me, and pull me out.
I feel so alone, except for a few,
There’s no one that can understand me so askew.”
And right now I know it’s true,
That up above there is a God and all of it he knew,
There He sits right now laughing at me with a smile,
Looking down and saying,
“Oh, how I love you my ignorant, oh so ignorant, little child.”