Hide & Lost Poem by Leah Ayliffe

I don't want to play anymore, it's starting to hurt too much.
You know when we used to swing across monkey bars as kids, and it hurt the arms? But it was worth it because of how much fun it was fooling around under and over top of those bars.
But it hurts too much now.
Maybe I lost focus, but instead of an arm, I fell and broke my heart.
It was always fun. No questions, no concerns. Fun. I didn't have to think about it, didn't know you could die from it.
The push and pull was enticing for a curious child like myself.
Time showed that though the pull gets stronger in kindness, the push gets more violent.
I fix myself up, pull myself together, time and time again. No real pain, just a few scratches that needs a little bit of healing each time they're made.
Only one time I broke into a thousand pieces and now the wound opens and bleeds quite easily when pushed against.
Evidence of a scar covers gently when I forget to distance myself, when I let the gates open and emotion floods in. I choose to believe with great confidence that loving for nothing in return is easy, cause it feels easy and good when I have everything I could want.
That's when it begins to fall apart.
I remember I am no where close to having what I want at all.
It's just an image I got strangely dependent on even though I knew it never to be true. I suppose I projected all my dreams onto you.
You see,
one day while playing at the park, hide and seek is the best game for you and I, and while I am waiting in a place, willingly waiting to be caught, you're going to forget that I need to be found. You count to 10 and turn around and it is not me who catches your eye.
I'll wait.
You'll be pushing her on the swing, laughing and in love,
the way you never could with me.
I'll watch as the sun sets, moon rises, and dawn is in site.
I've always saw the end before it's begun.
It's destined to play out this way,
and like a little child, I will run.