If I Did It Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

If I did it.
I would place obscene calls,
To you between seven and nine pm.
I would then stalk you,
After you got off from work.
Climb the Oak tree
Outside of your bedroom window.
The one facing the backyard.
I would throw pebbles
To get your attention.
And you would be totally naked.
You would then put on your orange bathrobe,
To open the window and see if anyone was outside.
If I did it!

If I did it...
I would sit behind you in church,
And cough every time you opened your mouth to sing!
You can not hold a note.
Plus every first Sunday you arrive late!

If I did it...
I would send you anonymous notes,
You find on your desk on Tuesdays!

AND 'if' I did remove your husband's picture,
And replaced it with mine...
Signed, 'I Love You More'
I certainly would be the first to admit it!
IF I did it!
However...
I have no idea what you are talking about.
And I am tired of being accused!