David McLansky

(5/24/1944 / New York City)

Jemina on Her Honeymoon Cruise


You wanna do what with your thing?
Melvin that's just sick!
You stay on your side of the room;
I'm not foolin', move it, quick!

I'll bust this lamp all up your head!
Don't wave that thing at me!
Don't you have any sense!
You use that thing to pee!

I do know what I'm talking 'bout,
I had a class on sex!
Sister Mary showed us in a book,
The Catholic Guide, A Text.

The man lies naked up on top,
The girl goes down below;
The man makes noises till he stops;
The girl cries in her pillow.

My Momma told me you was no good,
But I never expected this;
Don't say that I misunderstood,
I know where I piss!

I'll tell you how a baby's born,
I got an A in class'
Man and wife they pray real hard
And a baby comes like gas.

So if you put that thing away,
You can come back to bed;
You can kiss and give me hugs...
But try that again, you're dead!

The Nuns told me that men are beasts
But I never imagined this;
You've completely ruined our honeymoon,
As God is my witness!

Submitted: Sunday, March 30, 2014
Edited: Monday, March 31, 2014

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