Keeping Rudi Safe In My Dreams Poem by Louise Tredoux

I believe in ONE thing only: in trust, I believe in
the power of the mind, I believe that everything
depends on the choices we make amongst the
alternatives we are presented with; no, more
than that, I believe that the alternatives are also
determined according to our own desires

When the news came of a storm at sea, implying
trouble for Rudi, Werner said to prepare for the
worst, I told him YOU prepare for the worst, if
you repeat a negative thing like this again, I will
kick you, Juliette laughed – She means it, when
negative people insist on worry or problems

She becomes physical, she’s a fundamentalist
believing in the power of belief literally, count
your words – I chased them both away, needing
time to concentrate on my vision of Rudi holding
him safe, trusting that the power of my positive
energy will strengthen him literally

I unconditionally believe that Rudi wants to live,
my choice of seeing him safe and continuing life
is based on observation and experience, I trust
that when he is given a choice in fighting for life
he’ll choose life every time, I believe that all death
is based on subconscious consent, that when

Someone dies it is an unconscious form of suicide
because dying is impossible unless the subject wills
and wants to move on to another dimension of non-
physical life, while Rudi is like a sunbeam, still too
warmly in love with the beauty and magic of
pulsing, physical life to move on

I’ll sit here like Penelope waiting for him, I wonder
what she was thinking as she faithfully waited for
Oedipus, I’ll remain in my chair and conjure visions
of light and protection for Rudi, if Penelope could
wait for so many years, so can I, even crying tears
in misery - of loneliness and boredom

Shall not prevent me from keeping the vision of Rudi
until he is safely home and back in my arms, I believe
my desire to see him alive is a faithful representation
of his own wishes for warmth, love and life, trust is
the basis for creating reality, until then I’ll shut out
all negative people, all worriers and false sympathy

Based on a desire to fulfill their own need to do good,
based on their own want to project their own negative
expectations on me, to base their empathy on a shared
sadness and loss in reality – I refuse, I shall remain the
mainstay for my Rudi, holding him safe in my visions
until he returns

Bathing my visions of him in a white light of energy and
a golden light of love, he’ll be back because he is in love
with life – and incidentally with me also, in that I firmly
trust, my love for him creates the ability in me to love
the rest of the world likewise, my life centers on Rudi
because before him there was no-one else

Not my father, bitter and angry, not my mother, died at
my birth, no bosom friends that could fill the emptiness
within me – I was cold and alone, but I dreamt of love and
delight all the time – then came Rudi and stepped into the
emptiness, projecting so much love and acceptance, joy
and laughter into the space opened by dreams within me

Filling me like a laser beam, changing my perspective of the
world – of the universe, teaching me how to live my dreams,
I believe Rudi still wants to be with me and although weather
reports predict loss of boats and loss of life, I am keeping Rudi
safe in my dreams, in my trust, in my love – and if Werner
touches me again, I’ll kick him to kingdom come…