Little Poem by Samantha McKinnon

Maybe this is what I needed
To come back to the place
Where it all began,
Come back to the place
Where my heart was irreversibly changed.
Maybe it's the familiar cold
Sweeping through my body
And coursing through my veins
That is helping me feel this.
Maybe it's the racing of my heart
With every person that passes by.
Maybe it's the darkness
That is surrounding me
And making me feel alone- -
Defenseless.
Maybe it's the fact that I walked out here anyways
Knowing your visit would last longer this way.
Maybe I just needed this- -
Needed to feel it - -
Embrace the fear
Of being at the will of someone else- -
Walk upon the foundation of your evil- -
Walk upon your cursed ground.
Maybe I needed to remember
Where your betrayal began.
Maybe I needed to remember you here
So that my bed is no longer a theater
So that my room is no longer your room
So that my heart has some place to feel more safe.
Maybe I needed to feel myself drown in this- -
Drown in the helplessness- -
Drown in the fear one more time here.
Maybe I needed this
So I could finally begin
To let you go.
Maybe I needed to sit here
And wait for a friend- -
A friend named forgiveness.
And maybe I need to understand
That we are not yet ready to meet.
Maybe I need to understand
That I still live here too
Alongside you.