My Apologies Poem by Jonathan Maldonado

apologies for all the lies I ever told
You see I didn't know that honesty even at its most brutal is better than the whitest lies
I realise, I'm sorry.

Apologies for friends I don't seem to keep in touch with I'm sorry that my how are you's come only when I see you guys in public or visit home and see you face to face but fade away and never seem to overcome the space that life, no I, put in the way.

Apologies for family that feel I have forgotten.
I loved you once but many moons
have rose and set upon the many afternoons I must admit
often times I do forget
till' memories remind me
I loved you once, I love you now,
I'm sorry.

Apologies to every person
I've called names outside their own or have insulted
I didn't know such little words could have resulted 
in an affect that could
destroy you in a big way
and deploy all the insecurities
that still eat at you today,
I'm sorry.

Apologies to those who asked forgiveness but I turned my cheek
I was to weak to give this
I let you live with that demon
that you may think defines you
but I know now my apathy was actually a feeling, I seeked revenge
I kept from you that peace of mind,
that mercy.
For this I ask forgive me,
I'm sorry.

Apologies to mother nature
and all those times
I set my waste upon her face
I turned on  her and raped her.
You grant me all your majesty
and I take it all for granted see
anyone can hug a tree
then drive away and leave their carbon footprint and for this,
I'm sorry.

Apologies to father time
and all the sixty seconds
in all the sixty minutes
I waste upon the hours
I let you all diminish
then blame you for never taking time
to let me take your time until your time is finished,
I'm sorry.

Apologies to Mom and Dad,
the first people I ever loved,
ever kissed, ever hugged.
The first heroes I ever knew.
you could talk forever in nothing but jokes but the lessons you taught
were never verbatim
I'm sorry if I talked back and never stopped to listen.
Your best words were goldmines
at times I chose not to invest
but even still the ones I kept
have seemed to echo all the rest.

Forgive me for the times I called out your mistakes
and what you did wrong
I didn't know then
that they were the examples
that would lead me all along.
I'm sorry for the times
I made you feel their was a distance
figments of imagination thrown into existance
because of things I never said
If I ever made you think
I didn't want you to know me
all the times you would ask
all your questions in my head
I still hear my answers in the silence
I told myself a thousand times let me recite the ways:

How are you?
I'm good

How are you?
I'm fine

How are you?
I'm okay

I failed to say
The details of the times

I was not good?

I was not fine?

The details of the times

it wasn't okay?

If I ever let a foolish pride
cast a tide
Foolish pride,
Left aside!

I Love you more then the times
That I told you that I love you
every kiss upon my cheek
to ease my mind before I sleep,
those were the sweatest dreams I've ever had!
I promise my intentions were all good
I remember all the highs
in the burbs
and all the lows
in the hood
I remember every struggle
wraped in bubble wrap
they're stacked inside my head

Born into divorce
From as back as I can remember
To think of all the presents we could get now in December.
Childish thoughts inside my head
To convince my childish mind
that all the bad was always fine

'Don't expose emotion'

was a way for me
to persuade my childish rage
was all okay for me.
A vault to lock away all of my pains
did not understand
it was okay to express
so I began to Burry them
deep down inside my chest
I wanted to choose
to see the happiness
in all of the mess
I'm sorry that I fell off the grid
with all of the stress
but at the time, growing up a pupil
in a world
of many teachers and decievers
The TV shows you'd suppose
was the normal thing to go to
Let it show you
Perfect families that I saw,
others weren't
I saw them all.
Full house, Married with children,
It didn't matter Family matters
can turn to childish disasters.
If I didn't thank you enough
excuse me here's a toast
I thank you for all the good
all the bad and all the ugly.
I thank you for the struggles
through your lives you give me all.
All I know is due to the both of you
you taught me respect
and that it's found in humility
even through the tough times
I thank you!
You told me always keep it moving
And you showed me fallibilty
All the stress you consumed
to make it all the best to the best of your ability.
Though I could always sense the scent of something rotting inside of you,
emotion held behind bars of bone
caged behind ribs just under your chest
Thank you!
Every problem that you solved gave me the keys to the rest.
Prepared me for the lessons this life brings
you must dance through the pain
give your all till' your all
is what little remains.

I was born into divorce
I must admit I was affected
Disconnected from emotion becuase I kept it inside
Enclose, entrap
I held it in, I held it back
till' the ocean of emotion
I contained inside my head
found its way out of a pencil
turned that Ocean into lead.
Thank you!
I love you!
I'm sorry!

Hope you can all forgive me please,
these are my Apologies!