My Feelings In Life So Far Poem by Timothy Long

My heart hurts and my head spins, I wanna cry but its too late, you left and knew about my pain like I was a broken flower, I want to have you so bad but I loved you once, my wanting can not disappear as I try to remember everything about us, the tranquility was never much of an option to me, I struggled alone with no help, I'm still a wreck out all alone, the sun is shining and yet I cannot enjoy it, why were you so heartless, is this all I can think or do, honestly I feel pathetic and I'm trying to say this is the end, death can consume us while life itself breaks us down with lies of love and forgiveness, I wanted to die for the longest time, all the hating is the prana of living as it seems, I didn't care that I wasn't popular or even ignored, no the sting came from friends learning are like it was my fault, why can't I ever be happy or make a friend who can actually come and checkup on me, I don't always want to be the one who has to do it first, and today was the day I finally unjustly relieved I have no friends, just merely acquaintances from places, family is all I got and it's barely there, never are we close, I put on my face mask of confidence and happiness to fool everyone, no one has ever truly seen me as real, I'm lonely and depressed and that's no lie, will I ever meet that special someone like me, or am I alone saddened special bee, lonely as ever it seems, everywhere I go its relationships and happiness, I just wanna cry, I'm a lone fly, at least in my mind I can say I tried, but my conscience says it's never good enough, all I am anymore is a broken boy not yet a man, its like a never ending piece of a endless puzzle, only one has ever really tried and they should as well, lies can connect and the truth can hurt, am a failure or just one of a kind, maybe just maybe being alone is better than nothing I still envision you as how you use to be not the real you, I'm sorry you know and for as well, I wish you cared or meant well, but you only thought for yourself, is loneliness true peace in sadness that tends to my garden like sorrow, I always stayed the same and never changed, there were things I tried and done that are considered bad and if so what's good, and in the end, only a few came in their own way, if having me this melody, it has for awhile and you know in a way I prefer it to stay that way cause in the end, I'm me and that is all I'll ever be, that is what sets us al free, but with each passing day mixed feelings come into play, not to hinder or have an abundance of boredom, I can not think of anymore of life to say with enthusiasm or any other prejudice cause of action that is much of society outing people of the free down the legacy is to remain free with dignity and be happy to see, the dream is lost and a new dream begins.