My Grandmother Would Drive Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

My grandmother could make a biscuit taste like steak.
And she did everything from 'scratch'.
Including making her own soap too.

The only thing I disliked,
That my Grandmother Clara ever did...
Was to get her driver's license.

My grandmother would drive,
And have an entire conversation...
Without looking at the road!
I had heard rumors of this...
But to witness it,
Was right out of Six Flags.
Or Disney World.

Don't ask me how she did this.
I was too busy trying to keep myself alive.
That 'imaginary' brake on the passenger side,
Of my grandmother's car...
Had worn a hole through the carpeted car floor.

And my grandmother never got a speeding ticket either.
She turned to me and asked why I had the door handle,
In my hand when speeding along the highway.
I did not realize I had pulled the handle from the door.
She frightened the 'hell' out of me.

'Grandma, I gotta use the bathroom.'

~And...? ~

'Pee.'

~You bet not be doin' that in my car, boy!
Why didn't you say somethin' when we were at the carwash? ~

'I didn't think I had to THEN, grandma.
But driving with you has proved me wrong.
I think I've got to throw up too! '

The only thing I disliked,
That my Grandmother Clara ever did...
Was to get her driver's license.

She said she didn't need to wait,
For my grandfather to take her anywhere...
She wanted to go.
And rarely did I see my grandmother,
Using the rearview mirror.
Or...
Keep her eyes on the road.

'Grandma, I gotta use the bathroom.
I'm serious.'

~And...? ~

'Pee.'

~You bet not be doin' that in my car, boy!
Why didn't you say somethin' when we were at the carwash?
You slowing me. You slowing me down. Geeesssshhh.
Precious Lord...hmmm hmmm...Lead me...hmmm.~