There's blood dripping from my lip
and salty, viscous red liquid in my mouth.
I'm still in shock so I don't yet feel the pain.
And I start laughing. At least I think I'm laughing,
as I turn my head back to view my assailant.
There he stands.
The stranger.
Lean and muscular, fist at the ready for
my response of violence.
All I can do is laugh
and
he mistakenly thinks
it's him
I'm laughing at.
He continues to pummel
me until I'm unconscious.
2. I suspect most of the negative ratings are because of the violence. This is a fallacy. Violence in poetry is perfectly fine. The problem is that this is McViolence. It isn't original, and it is not striking. Show us something truly shocking because it has never been done before. Use all the senses. Don't go for what is obvious.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
Like I mentioned before I don't care for violent, depressing poetry. But there are certain ones that will draw me in. This one almost does, because I can see where you are coming from. But I almost don't want to say it but I think it needs to be a little more shocking and that would make it better.