Black on Black Arts


Rite of Passage


Walk a mile in my shoes and you'll develop blisters.
As you drop to your knees from the weight of the world
that i had to endure since birth.
Your shoulders will slump from the sacrifies I had to make.
Try to stand with watery eyes the tears will fall.
Headaches and dizzyness overcome you as vertigo sets in.
The world around you starts to spin as you grab hold to keep from falling but nothings there.
You continue your decline.
Everythings in slow motion.
You see the ground inching ever so closely.
You close your eyes as you see the enivitable approaching.
Stalking you like prey.
I grab you pull you up.
Do you still wanna walk in my shoes?

Submitted: Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Edited: Monday, August 12, 2013

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Comments about this poem (Rite of Passage by Black on Black Arts )

  • Silver Star - 3,760 Points Brian Johnston (6/30/2014 1:51:00 PM)

    You may have started as coal but life has clearly made you a diamond. You still have the strength after all that to grab another and pull them up? My dear poet, I don't want to walk in your shoes, I want to be you! More poems please! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Dr Tapan Kumar Pradhan (10/18/2013 1:30:00 AM)

    Bravo! From the very first line you hold the reader and not allow it him to get away! Very good original creation. You have a definite talent. Wish you all the best for the contest. But you cannot predict anything in an Online Contest like this - which can be easily manipulated by cyber savvy poets! ! (See my poem Poem Hunter Contest Final just to have an idea of how a contest can be manipulated...) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Dipy Hermonite (9/27/2013 1:55:00 AM)

    Fantastic poem. Well articulated. I like it and have rated it.

    Could I request you to read and rate my poem? I would also be delighted if you could endorse your comments on the poem.
    Link is given below

    http: //www.poemhunter.com/contest-vote/your-world-my-lord/
    Regards
    Dipy (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 12,198 Points Ramesh Rai (9/25/2013 10:13:00 PM)

    Sunprincess has exactly said. a great write. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 13,873 Points * Sunprincess * (11/20/2012 9:54:00 PM)

    this one teaches us not to wish to be someone else..fabulous.. :) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Shai Cherry (11/8/2012 11:20:00 AM)

    what a great poem with such meaning (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 120 Points Amanda Laurent (10/27/2012 3:28:00 PM)

    I sank right in to your heavy words, great poem! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Caroline Bulleck (10/1/2012 11:21:00 PM)

    I like the overall effect of this poem. I always wondered how someone else would handle walking in my shoes or vice vesa. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 4 Points Darkangel Flyfree (9/20/2012 2:39:00 PM)

    Wow, def know the headaches and dizzyness from vertigo! Really good poem! (Report) Reply

Read all 9 comments »

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