Rudi Kissed The Angst Away Poem by Louise Tredoux

Lightning in his eyes, his mouth twitching, I’ve
never seen Rudi angry before, rage as palpable
as a separate entity, when my father insisted I
must go home with him I refused, Rudi said he
would take care of me, my father went crazy, a
real religious fit, accusing me for living with Rudi
without being married, shouting and screaming

I felt perspiration beading on my heated face,
waves of nausea welling up in my throat, feeling
so humiliated and ashamed, I couldn’t believe
father showing how ugly and mean he can be
in front of Rudi; I shrank back into myself, as
I have always done since I was small when
father went into a frenzy, ranting and raving

I looked at Rudi, fearing he would leave me be-
cause of this event – couldn’t believe the white-hot
anger in his face, I couldn’t breathe; Rudi turned
to my father whose eyes had gone mad, told him
in a voice of ice to shut up and get out, my father
lunged at him, Rudi hit him – hard – and he fell
Rudi came over to me; my face burning, the

anger leaving his eyes, was he like this before, he
asked softly, I nodded, too scared to talk, now I
understand why you are like this; he turned away
to THAT MAN who was attacking from the back;
pinned his arms to his side and told him if he ever
acted that way again to me or anybody, Rudi would
hit him again; father’s eyes went beserk

He started screaming again, indicting us for sin; Rudi
calmly slapped him and told him to leave, my “father”
threatening him while Rudi closed the door, I cried -
this ugly scene was just a replay of so many times before,
never wanted Rudi to see me humiliated like this - but
he cradled me in his arms, making soothing sounds,
when I calmed down, he asked me again to marry him

This time I said yes, no longer fearing my father, having
seen that his mad behaviour did not scare Rudi away,
then I cried in joy and shock; cried for all those times
before when Rudi wasn’t there as father went mad -
safely ensconced in Rudi’s arms, he promised never
to leave me alone with HIM, never allowing a repeat
of this scene – this was the last time ever

And then he kissed me, I’m not tainted by that ugly
behaviour, he isn’t angry with me for being related to
such a Pharisee; I have cried the fears of years out of
my system, Rudi kissed the angst away...