Schizophrenia Poem by Claudia Krizay

As I close the door and
Pull the curtains taut-
I open the door to my thoughts-
“Speak to me your non threatening words, ” I say
As I pull the sheets and blankets over my eyes
To shut the real world out.

Today I shall walk that uphill pathway
Leading me towards that same nowhere every time,
That place where treetops scrape the sky and grass grows high-
I have eyes in the back of my head
Like radar, tell me I am being followed by
Unfamiliar intruders.

Listening to blue jays call as
Crickets seemingly play their magical instruments,
My thoughts drift to another realm and
I can hear voices inside of my mind
Singing hymns of nature’s bounty-
Creating a tuneful symphony that
Momentarily soothes the constant fear that plagues me
Whenever I exit the door that leads to veracity.

Oh, the rhythm of invasive footsteps-
How they interrupt the melodious tunes of nature’s music-
They bring out the rage that tears me apart inside,
Sometimes dormant but still heartfelt-
I ask myself- why was I born to be persecuted
While the rest of the world dances in serene vigilance?

Reentering that door to safety inside that I attempt to exit daily,
Hoping that one day I shall find a safe place out amongst humanity-
Alas, for the present all I can do is close my eyes as
I step outward through the door to my imagination,
Listening to the voices that speak to me only-
The voices of the people who dwell inside the fortress of my thoughts-
Grateful that I am never estranged from fantasy, never lonely and
That I have been able to create miraculous castles of ecstasy inside of my mind
That are free from threatening and demonic intruders –
I lock the door to the world outside with that familiar phantasmal key
That I wear about my neck on an invisible chain, as it was a jeweled pendant-
So that I may close my eyes as I dream-