Scire Facias Poem by John Gardiner Calkins Brainard

The Bar Versus The Docket.
This action was brought to get cash from the pocket
Of a debtor absconding and absent, called Docket—
For damage sustained by the Bar, through the laches
Of him by whose means the said Bar cut their dashes.

They copied the constable, thinking that he
Might have goods in his hands, and be made Garnishee;
Who, being thus summoned to show cause, appeared
To state to the court why he should not be sheared.

Whereas, said the Plaintiffs, you owe us our living
By assumpsit implied, and the costs you must give in —
You have cheated us out of our bread and our butter,
Et alia enormia, too numerous to utter.

Thus solemnly spoke the Bar's counsel, and sighed—
The Garnishee plainly and frankly replied,
That he had no effects, and could not get enough
To pay his own debt, which he thought rather tough.

Then came pleas and rejoinders, rebutters, demurrers,
Such as Chitty would plough into Richard Roe's furrows; —
Cross questions, and very cross answers, to suit —
So the gist of the case was the point in dispute.

The Judges looked grave, as indeed well they might,
For one party was wrong, and the other not right;
The sweeper himself thought it cruel to sue
A man, just because he had nothing to do.

The Docket non ested, the Garnishee proved
That the chattels were gone, and the assets removed—
That they had not been heard of for full half a year,
So he took to the Statute, and swore himself clear.

The case being simple in English, the Bench
Resorted, of course, to their old Norman French;
But the Bar being frightened, thought best to defer it,
And pray out the writ latitat et discurrit.

Then a motion was made by the learned debators,
That the sheriff should call out the whole comitatus —
Read the act — tell the posse, instanter to hook it,
And send the whole hue and cry after the Docket.