Silence Of The Lambs Poem by gershon hepner

Silence of the lambs will be
required if the earth is not
to die of overheating. We
are causing it to be too hot
because we let New Zealand sheep,
as well as others that are Welsh,
eat grass. We count them before sleep,
but while we’re counting them they belch,
converting in their stomachs grass
to hydrogen and then methane,
which heats the atmosphere, alas,
in ways, so scientists explain,
more dangerous that the emission
of all the cars upon our roads.
While we’re in fear of nuclear fission,
we should fear sheep producing loads
of gas, and cows as well, since they
produce this methane gas no less
than sheep. But know that humans may
join both when farting with finesse,
and even more without it. Some
belong to “Order of Blue Flame, ”
a group of people who’re so dumb
they fart, pursuing royal fame
by burning methane when they’re gassy.
Be amazed, this new is true:
some people think that it is classy
to light a fartflame burning blue
from methane that now overheats
the world—how squalid! We must squelch
not only all these fart athletes,
but all the sheep and cows that belch.

Inspired by an article in the WSJ, February 26,2009 (“Silencing the Lambs: Scientists Target Sheep Belching to Cut Methane”) :
On a typical day, researchers in this college town coax hungry sheep into metal carts. They wheel the fluffy beasts into sealed chambers and feed them grass, then wait for them to burp. The exercise is part of a global effort to keep sheep, deer, cows and other livestock from belching methane when they eat and regurgitate grass. Methane is among the most potent greenhouse gases, and researchers now believe livestock industries are a major contributor to climate change, responsible for more greenhouse-gas emissions than cars are, according to the United Nations.Animal biologists in New Zealand are leading one of the most sophisticated efforts in livestock stomach research. Their goal? To reduce global warming by producing less gassy sheep…. All of which is breathing new life into the study of sheep stomachs. Researchers have tried just about everything, from changing the animals' diets to breeding new sheep they hope will be less gassy. They've concocted cocktails of clover, garlic and cottonseed oil to try to curb methane. They have even tried feeding the animals chloroform, which can stymie the production of gas if it doesn't kill the animal. But sure as grass grows, livestock keep producing methane….The root of the problem is that sheep, cows, goats and other so-called ruminants are unique in the way they digest their food. While that allows them to convert more energy from grasses, the process also generates hydrogen as a byproduct. Microbes known as methanogens convert the hydrogen to methane, which then leaves the animal through belching - and to a lesser extent, flatulence - and then floats into the atmosphere, where it helps to trap heat and potentially accelerate global warming. Humans emit methane, too, but not so much.

2/26/09