beautyqueen 639


The Demons Inside Us


I can still remember
I can still think back
To the days when I was happy
When the dark cold feeling
Hadn’t yet settled
Like a fog of depression
Fought back by a crumbling wall of pills
And support that was never really there

I can say they tried
And maybe they did
But their attempts were futile at best
I would need a miracle
To get out of this pit alive
No matter how many walls I knock down
Nor how many ceilings I break through
The demons are always there
To pull me back under
Under the swirling black vortex
To where I come to rest at the bottom of the ocean of despair
Unfeeling
Uncaring
Broken

They say that this is only a faze
Caused by hormones
Or stress
Or lack of love
But I know that this is all inside of me
That the writhing monsters
That have lied and manipulated their way inside me
They all come from me and only me
No one else is to blame

No need to try to cure me
We both know it won’t work
No need to try to heal me
I’m far beyond help
Because a thousand incisions
Made deliberately as a punishment
They won’t heal
They are my battle scars
As I fight this cold never ending devil
One on one
Hand to hand
I know I won’t win

Some can’t understand us
We are the ones who are lower than low
They can’t understand how we can bring the knife to our skin
They haven’t felt like we have
We know we’re the mistakes that He made
He never wanted us here
So He didn’t bother holding back the monsters from crawling inside us
Why not them
The ones who have no hope
The ones who have no future
Except for the noose hung themselves
Or the gun they held to their own head

Only we know how it feels
They could never know
And if you never knew you’ll never cure it
No matter how many pills
Or therapists
Or programs that they design to try to help us
They’ll never do it
Because they’ve never felt it

I speak for us all
The depressed and lonely and abandoned
This is a siren
To all of you beautiful people who can’t even see how beautiful you really are
This is what we feel

Submitted: Friday, November 22, 2013
Edited: Tuesday, December 10, 2013

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

This is dedicated to everyone who has ever felt like they don't deserve to be here. I've been there and I know. I'll pray for you

Comments about this poem (The Demons Inside Us by beautyqueen 639 )

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  • Claudge Ben-at (11/22/2013 9:02:00 PM)

    said it yes. and batons not just once but again and again. you know how it hurts?
    and i want to say it to you. when you know how it feel. and don't let the risky take us down. if i did? would you did?
    no. we live..; 0) (Report) Reply

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