The Right-Sided Diet
I made a dietary breakthrough the other day
Although it won't help mankind in any big way,
Or womankind either, if it comes to that,
It's about a problem I have with a bit too much fat.
I need a right-sided diet, but I haven't found one yet
Although I spent a week surfing the internet.
Our pharmacist said, 'No, I haven't got one of those.'
And he either laughed or had a tickle up his nose.
I wrote to the top chemists explaining what I lack,
But none of them have sent an answer back.
Well, I don't mind if the world laughs at me,
I need a right-sided diet. That's my discovery.
It isn't something marvelous like the 'missing link'
But you will agree it's important.... I think
And just like Isaac Newton when the apple fell
And he said, 'That's gravity that is! Well I'll go to 'ell.'
There was I in my bathroom wearing only a frown
When my metaphorical apple came tumbling down.
I did a small, quite basic experiment
And the answer came to me, as though heaven sent
For when on the scale I put my left foot on its own,
I found that my weight was nearly two stone
But when my right foot joined my left foot off the floor
The arrow shot up to twelve stone four
So my right side is heaviest, obviously.
When I find a right-sided diet, you'll see a new me.
Thomas Phelps's Other Poems
Read this poem in other languages
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
Comments about this poem (The Right-Sided Diet by Thomas Phelps )
- All Over, Edward Kofi Louis
- Haram II, Edward Kofi Louis
- Pick-Ups!, Edward Kofi Louis
- AK-47, Edward Kofi Louis
- Poem for Dwayne, Jenny Santiago
- Raschid, Edward Kofi Louis
- Cupcake capers, Roann Mendriq
- Dschamila, Edward Kofi Louis
- Scattered dreams, gajanan mishra
- The Glow on the Outback Hill, David Lewis Paget
Poem of the Day
- 04 Tongues Made Of Glass, Shaun Shane
- The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost
- Invictus, William Ernest Henley
- At Last She Comes, Robert Louis Stevenson
- Phenomenal Woman, Maya Angelou
- Daffodils, William Wordsworth
- If, Rudyard Kipling
- If You Forget Me, Pablo Neruda
- Still I Rise, Maya Angelou
- I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings, Maya Angelou
(March 26, 1874 – January 29, 1963)
(12 July 1904 – 23 September 1973)
(4 April 1928 - 28 May 2014)
- Heather Burns
Edgar Allan Poe
(19 January 1809 - 7 October 1849)
(10 December 1830 – 15 May 1886)
(31 October 1795 – 23 February 1821)
(26 April 1564 - 23 April 1616)