To Reach The Sky Poem by Claudia Krizay

I may have found my paradise, and
If I could only reach the sky,
I would know I will have arrived at the home of my desire;
When I was very young, I was a child without direction,
I was lost and hardly knew which street I walked, though every day,
Terrified of the nighttime hours, I was and
Fearful of the world outside, from the moment that
The sun rose in the valley I could envision outside of my bedroom window?
I could sing angelic hymns concerning the loveliness of this world,
I could sing but my spirit was on the run from veracity and
I hardly believed or understood the words I sung-
It was none but a harmonious tune echoing inside my mind,
Dismembered in many ways, as my thinking was out of touch-
Whenever the rain would fall I would sing and dance outside but
Inside the world of my delusions, locked and keyed from the real world,
That unfamiliar place, perhaps too familiar in many ways, that
It had become the fortress of my intrusive enemies?
Rain is falling hard at this moment, and I cannot reach the sky-
Rain is falling in torrents and my paradise is hidden behind the ominous gray clouds-
My paradise I have never seen as I cannot see beyond the
Fabricated world I have created inside the confinement of my bedroom?
Fairy tales of magical places existing beyond the sky were told to me
From the inside of storybooks and at night I would dream of
Sailing a phantasmal boat beyond the sun, searching for some
Sorcery that would find me a safer haven inside of which to live my life-
A life free from threatening trespassers, cold and gusty winds and
A world of people that could not rob me of my thoughts as well as those
Who could not follow close behind me and terrorize my mind-
Awakening every morning in the darkness, I find myself trapped inside of
A nightmare of horrors I cannot seem to escape from-
If I could only climb that miraculous ladder towards the sky,
To visit the moon at twilight and to ride upon the tail of a shooting star
That would possibly take me to the planet of my dreams?
My paradise, my paradise, where are you now, I ask in thought, and
Why was I born, tell me, why I was born a misfit of society,
Different from all others, these others that attempt to
Read my mind but cannot comprehend as if my thoughts were
Written in some foreign script completely unintelligible?
One day I shall die and when I die I shall be set free
To climb that wondrous ladder built just for me to ascend-
To climb to my paradise in the sky and that
Melodic tune inside my mind shall come alive and I shall pirouette
With the cherubs and the saints although others
here say they are not truly real-
Although inside the community of my thoughts, everything seems real and
To others, things that cannot be seen clash with veracity-
But to me what I cannot touch in this life
is what I believe shall save my very soul-
I carry my paradise inside of my mind and one day I shall abandon
Pain and misfortune and inside mind and body
I shall in all finality reach the sky,
Dance amongst the stars and sing my own hymns of joy and triumph-
I shall plant my own tree of life, and its branches shall give me shade and
A place beneath which to rest, sleep and to
dream of all the goodness that awaits me, and
When the victorious music begins to louden and deafen the nightmares of my past,
I shall finally be set free…