Without Which... Poem by Tariq Ahmed

I wrote this poem as I was feeling alone, away from home, at the same time not knowing what home is, as a British-born chap with Pakistani heritage now living in Istanbul, and close to losing my mind around faith. My relationship with my religion is one that could be described as weak by some or perfectly adequate by others, but being on my own causes me to think of crazy, secular and liberal ideas which are far removed what I believe I should be thinking and doing. And then there is my heart. Being alone is not fun. Yes, space is good and needed at times, but I just want to love someone with all my heart and give her all that is good and pure within me as her own. I have had two heavy romantic relationships and I have made some mistakes in taking forwards major decisions of others that have affected me deeply without resistance. I am in my early 40s, and I am like a teenager at times. I just want to fall in love, and permanently with the one true soul mate whom I want to spend the rest of my life with. Apart from its emotional, psychological and physiological importance, I am actually biologically hard-wired to think and feel this way. Therefore, what I seek is perfectly normal, but for various reasons it continues to elude me.