Treasure Island

Antoinette Kopperfield


You Dance When I Dance


You are the breath of my life.
You walk where I walk
Kicking stones from my path
So I shall not fall or stumble
Upon roads paved with grit

Inside my heart lies a cloud
Of love, a gentle reminder
And you are there once again
You wind around and around
In a circle, Effervescent
A song never sung
For it is kept inside
And it is savored

Far beneath my skin
I feel you again
You dance when I dance
Angels keep you alive
And my soul does rejoice
Thoughts pondered once again
You are, you are my only love

Submitted: Sunday, May 29, 2005

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  • Raynette Eitel (5/29/2005 9:40:00 AM)

    The ideas in this poem are very good but you need to 'tighten' it a bit. I love the line 'you walk where I walk, ' and of course 'you dance when I dance.' Those are beautiful images but be careful. Love poems can be trite. Look for those lines which have been used again and again. Reach deep within yourself and find new ways to say them. I would love to see this poem when you rework it, for I think you are indeed a poet.

    Raynette (Report) Reply

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