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Kuji soliman

Rookie (1997 / cairo/egypt)

All my time missing you!


As i sit with little to do...my mind is filled of thought of you, as i work hard throughout the day..i miss ur Smile thats miles away...as i lay down and try to sleep, its memories of you i always keep!
you must know this, its so true...i spend all my time missing you! ! ! !

(I know maybe you think not all of my poems are sincere....But i was never this honnest in my life!)

Kuji soliman

Submitted: Sunday, October 11, 2009

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  • Rookie John Knight (10/17/2009 3:38:00 PM)

    Hi Kuji - nice poem but if you are entering poems for a competition or publication it needs a little tweeking - the more conventional layout I would suggest is in distinct lines ending with the rhyming word. I have also made a slight alteration to some of your English - which I appreciate is your second language. I know you won't be cross with me because you are so lovely!

    As I sit with so little to do
    My mind is filled with thoughts of you
    As I work hard throughout the day and try to sleep
    It's memories of you I always keep!
    You must know this 'cause it's so true
    I spend all my time just missing you! ! !

    This layout emphaises the excellence of your rhyming pattern and excellent use of words. It also gives it rhythm - which is an essential feature of any poem!

    I have scored it TEN because it is so so sincere! . Love in Poetry - JOHN. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 125 Points Romeo Della Valle (10/12/2009 7:45:00 PM)

    Dear Kuji, honesty is the key to your own love and heart, I have been there many times, so you know, take one day at the time, and you will what it takes to make the world goes around, you never know until you go through, there will always be another day and another dream, please, read my poem titled: 'A LOVE'S GAME', I will kindly appreciate your comment and rating, Love and Peace, Romeo (Report) Reply

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