Bewildered - Poem by Claudia Krizay
Your angry eyes tried to order me away-
Your voice cut me as would a newly sharpened dagger-
You are so young, but I found you to be more than threatening-
You would be stunning, if you did not wear that mask of rage.
Your irate words evoked tears from my eyes-
Bewildered, all I could do was scream.
My heart was and still remains tremulous,
As always I was terrified as a wounded wild animal that has no refuge.
There is no place to where I could escape-
Iron walls surround me, although imagined-
I remembered being a prisoner in a locked room called seclusion- and
I remain a prisoner inside the world of my fear.
My home is my only safe haven,
Except when those phantasmal voices keep terrorizing me-
All my strength is usurped as swept away by the vicious wrath of a tornado,
I feel as I am homeless and cannot find shelter from my own madness.
Every time I step outside the front door of my vicinity,
I become a victim under attack.
You are so young and almost beautiful,
Of slighting you I have no memory- however I am lost in a mass of incensed confusion,
I was born with this dread of others wishing me harm-
My spirit was lost somewhere along my journey through this world-
I am a lost soul with no recourse from the wrath that I feel.
The voices that I hear are imagined and incessant-
Ordering me to hurt myself or even somebody else?
In many ways I am still that innocent infant who cannot discern reality-
Locked inside the world of my delusions I try to look through the keyhole of
The terror I feel every day and every night- I see through this keyhole
A world filled with hostility, confusion and oblivion-
Your angry eyes are amongst the millions that order me away-
I wonder if I will ever find my lost spirit and if my wounded soul shall heal-
At this moment I am trapped inside massive perplexity
Amongst strangers I cannot trust or believe in-
As youthful and naive as you appear to me- your anger towards me
I cannot fathom so I am running away towards some different star in a distance-
Thunder claps; rain is beginning to fall and as lightening illuminates the sky-
Bewildered, I foresee no shelter from this storm- and
All I can do is scream, confined within these walls of fury that bind me-as always
I find myself prisoner inside the world of my fear.
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