Linda Winchell

(still working on it! / Chicago Illinois)

' Can't Eat Anything These Days'


I can't eat anything at all these days
I seem to be allergic to it all!
I can't have any dairy products
you know what that does to us all?

So I tried to eat Vegetarian style
like beans and sprouts and grass!
Well you know what that did for my reputation?
I got rid of a lot of friends, with all that noise and GAS!

Then I tried that South Beach Diet thing
Then, No carb, and low carb too!
I got so bone thin from all of that
I looked like some skinny, sick buffoon!

I had to shop in the kids department
to find some clothesfor me to wear.
Now a woman of sixty, can you picture this?
In an outfit imprinted with little pink teddy bears!

My boobs were hanging down to my waist!
And my hair started falling out!
I must have looked a sight to others!
Every time that I stepped out!

A gust of wind came up
and took me flying down the sidewalk one afternoon!
I was grabbing on to anything available
pulled down some old ladies pantaloons!

So what can a person eat these days?
to stay healthy, fit and trim?
I'll just have to chew on all the boxe's I guess?
that all that stuff I can't eat comes in?

Submitted: Friday, November 14, 2008
Edited: Monday, January 19, 2009

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Comments about this poem (' Can't Eat Anything These Days' by Linda Winchell )

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  • James B. Earley (3/18/2009 9:26:00 AM)

    Hilarious presentation of a sad...but true affliction. Much of it aggravated by external influences! Excellent. (Report) Reply

  • Chuck Petz (1/19/2009 5:29:00 AM)

    Linda, this was beautiful.You're beautiful! People are really in the midst of 'Dietophobia'This piece is right on the money.Maybe we should start eating the packaging.The food inside will never look as good as the picture. (Report) Reply

  • Sarwar Chowdhury (11/28/2008 1:14:00 PM)

    Fine composition!
    Its remind me a poem by great poet Walt whitman where he showed how human in old age feel to consume things.
    10+++ (Report) Reply

  • James Roberts (11/24/2008 8:38:00 AM)

    Very funny and unfortunately very True. At our age just thinking puts on the pounds How I can't even guess
    jimxx (Report) Reply

  • Kesav Easwaran (11/15/2008 8:10:00 PM)

    'A gust of wind came up and took me
    flying down the sidewalk one afternoon! '...
    lines these made me laugh really...an interesting read, Linda...you are right... at some age one is left wondering what to eat and what not to...and perhaps what to say or act! 10+ (Report) Reply

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