Cup, Bowl, Vessel Poem by Adedolapo Olisa

This year was hard
For the first time in my life
I contemplated suicide
For much longer than a customary fleeting thought
But I am not ashamed of myself
Because I know the value of my love
I was born to take risks
To give everything to what I commit to
Tobridle my doubts
Invest courage with a hint of recklessness
It feels uneasy and ungrateful to ponder
What I conjured up to refuse the beauty of life
To not embrace every living breath I have been given
It felt right to not exist
Than taste love deeper than abyss
And have it taken away in a flash
I am stronger for itIn fact, I am thankful for it
This was my furnace
But I sense, I'm a still long way from gold

This year was hard
I contemplated murder
Not of a man but of my own handiwork
To create beauty and watch it lack blood
Your whole life's work wrapped
Not in swaddling clothes
But in the thin air of a digital community
Beautiful but lifeless
Lures men but doesnt keep them
In my dreams, I took its life
And yet it lives to see another tomorrow
This is the fate of faith, hope and perseverance
When the struggle becomes sweeter than death
When neither quick death or a stranglehold,
Doesnt suffice to deliver the passion of willing suffering

This year was hard I became a man
Even though I lived still like a boy
I finally longed to stand and be revealed
For who my mom bore me
And the furnace has made of me
See, it doesnt make gold,
It only purifies, forms it
My form hasn't taken hold yet
I will be a fitting vessel In your hands, Lord!
Your process purges me
Yet it fills my belly with delightful emptiness
It's an honor to continue this journey
To an identity of what I hold
I'm a cup, a bowl, a vessel