Darn Tootin' These Boys Want Shootin! Poem by Dan Reynolds

Darn tootin' these boys want shootin!

Dewey was the old town Bum
With patches on his britches
The tricks we used to play on him
Left all the kids in stitches

His favoured tipple? Red-Eye.
He'd do a jig for just one shot
So his shoes were paper thin
A sorta rustler, like as not.

The worst damn dare was done, y'all
One day in Nell's salloon
When Dewey was dared a whole dang bottle
If he drank from our spittoon.

He picked it up real slow, y'know
Afeared that it might spill
Raised it to his mug, then started to glug
Shoot man, we all felt ill!

"Put it down" we hollered out.
That bottle we were owing.
But Dewey seemed a trifle deef
Cos he jest kept on going.

He drank the spittoon, every drop
Then smiled like Forest Gump
He said, " I couldn't stop whin ye sayed,
Cos it was all one big lump! "