Dismay Poem by Clayton Anderson

I hate the world…
I long for the opportunity to let it all go…
I carry so much pain, so much guilt for the life I’ve lived,
Yet I believe I have no chance for redemption…
The weight of the world bears down on me like an insurmountable pressure only Atlas culd understand…
So many times I’ve begged for relief,
Prayed for release,
Contemplated letting go…
Yet, I can’t…
Something indie of me continues ti force me to hang on…
Have I seen anything come from it? NO…
Have I felt anything touch me and reassure me that the pain has purpose? No…
Yet, here zi am again…
Another endless night of endless regret…
Another continually cycling turmoil of pain and sorrow…
Nature is supposed to be easy right?
Nature is supposed to just happen if you let yourself go, right?
When? ..........
When will I have at the very least the reassurance that all the pain, suffering, sacrifice, and self control will have an end?
Does life really care about any of us individually? Is there really any chance that all I’ve fought to learn from all of my mistakes will serve a purpose one day?
By then, will it even matter anymore?
The edge is so close… the pain is so great… The easy way out is so easy…
In the end… Do I continue to fight for me, or her, or them, or even HIM?
WHY must I continue?
Does anybody really even care?
If guilt and sorrow were removed from everyone involved, would there be anyone left to stand beside what’s left of me and ask, why... why did you let him give up?
Every day I fight because I know better in my heart,
But every day I am more convinced that if no one could feel guilt, then even in those last moments, I would continue to be alone! ! !