Treasure Island

Joe Rosochacki


“Hey Mr. Ranger Sir, All that I Want is a Picnic Basket -Uhm, better make it a Minivan.”


The first part of the title, I often recall, that’s what Yogi the Bear said the park ranger.
The human species choice of vehicle break-ins, in the USA, is the Cadillac Escalade.
But if you have a minivan and go to the national parks, you are in danger.
The minivan is vehicle of choice of the park bears.
They don’t march in a parade,
-however they stealthly prey on their prey.
One should fear.
The reasons aren't entirely clear,
-says study author Stewart Breck of the National Wildlife Research Center,
but probably have something to do with the messy passengers common in minivans.
'Not all minivans had food in them, ' Breck says of his study’s findings,
'but what they do have is 'microtrash'
(a certain type of prepubescent adolescent stash)
— (from) kids spilling juice and pulverizing crackers. …
(if kids can then they mostly likely they would)
A lot of these minivans smell like food, even though they don’t have food in them.'
A lot of food is left on the floor and seats not in his or her tummy.
'Bears like toiletries, ' says Yosemite ranger Kari Cobb.
'Peach shampoo smells really yummy.'
So campers clean out your minivans to the tee and with no haste,
Before you travel the Yosemite and the Great Teton National Parks.
“The motivation to rip into a vehicle wafting potato-chip scent is strong.
Bears in Yosemite normally subsist on a diet of acorns, berries, grasses and herbs.
Why munch acorns when you can chow down on cookies,
-granola bars and even toothpaste?

10-17-09

Submitted: Saturday, October 17, 2009
Edited: Saturday, October 17, 2009

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