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(September,10 1994 / Pennsylvania, USA)

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How It Seems

Here it is,
The end of the road.
No one else is here;
I'm on my own.
I tried too hard
And lost control.
I lost the one
Who could make me whole.
I'm tired of waiting
For that call.
The moment when
I lose it all.
I'm sick of this pressure
That's never released.
Always having to feel like
I was born to please.
I left it all
For someone else's mistake.
I took the fall,
Now I'm about to break.
It's all too much.
I can't find my way.
Sick of their voices;
Sick of hearing them say
That it will turn out fine.
We'll be alright.
Well let's just see
If I make it through the night.
Are they blind?
How can't they see
That everything they're doing
Is unloading on me?
The secretive whispers,
The knowing stares.
I know what they're thinking
And I know they don't care.
I hate my life
And all that I've lost.
I'll do whatever it takes
To pay this cost.
I want to go back home
To the place where I'm safe.
I'm not 'just being strong'
And I'm not 'trying to be brave'.
I loved my old life
And all that I had.
It didn't matter
That it was just me and Dad.
Now all that is gone
And I know just who to blame.
Always ringing in my ears
Is their forever hated name.
The man who took, no,
Stole everything from me.
The devil who didn't care
What we came to be.
I honestly didn't think
I was leaving there alive.
I was completely defenseless
As I waited there to die.
At the very least,
I was going to be alone.
No one was going to be there
To watch me live and grow.
But somehow we made it out,
After coming so close to the end.
And that was all it took
For him to realize he could no longer pretend.
So many burdens
That I didn't see
Were off of his shoulders
And left all on me.
He was fighting his way through life.
Couldn't bear to tell a soul.
Thought that it was all over,
So he just dug deeper in his hole.
Well, we've hit rock bottom.
I have an awfully deep grave.
And the only thing he can say is
To 'watch my mouth and behave'.
That's not the whole story,
But it's a pretty good start
To how no one could have saved us
Or can fix my broken heart.
I may be here forever;
It's 'not safe enough' to go back home.
So I had to tell everyone not to worry,
That they'll never be alone.
I'm always there beside them
Or with them in their dreams.
But one thing I've come to understand is that
It's usually as bad as it seems.
So here it is;
The end of the road.
No one else is here.
I'm completely alone.

Submitted: Saturday, January 23, 2010


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Comments about this poem (My Dearest Ana by Rebecca Paul )

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  • Audrey Marie Kay (1/23/2010 10:27:00 PM)

    This is SO good! ! ! ! Like wow. You really hit the high... This reminds me of how i write. Short lines. Lots of Impact. Its long but i read all of it. Its like that book you cant put down till you finish. Amazing. :)

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