I Got Spots Poem by John Carter Brown

I came out in spots on my body,
I thought 'twas the measles 'n' all;
I scratched 'til I took off a layer of skin,
Just like wallpaper peeled off a wall.

'Bout a week ago, that's when it started,
Up 'til then I was feeling alright;
I just got up one day feeling itchy,
And my legs were a terrible sight.

At first I was blaming the midges,
Or some insect of similar ilk;
It felt like the blighters were sucking my blood
Like a baby would suck for it's milk.

It wasn't too bad in the day time,
I was busy and found I could scoff;
But at bed time I couldn't ignore them,
I kept scratching and couldn't dropp off.

So I gave up and went to the doctor,
And he looked, and he mused for a while;
'It isn't the measles, that's certain, '
He said, with a wry sort of smile.

'Has your wife messed around with the powder
That she puts in her washing-machine;
Has she changed it from one to another,
In her efforts to get the clothes clean? '

'In some powders you see, there are enzymes,
Little bugs that can eat all the dirt;
They just love all the stains on your trousers,
And the sweat that gets into your shirt.'

'But, the job done, they have to be rinsed out,
If they're not then your skin can display
Itchy blotches, just like the ones you have,
... An allergic reaction I'd say! '

With a stroke of his pen, a prescription
He wrote, to provide me with cream;
'Rub it on three or four times a day Mr Brown,
Then at night I am sure you will dream.'

So I now must undress in the bathroom,
Several times in the day, and prepare
To do battle with millions of enzymes;
To be smothered in cream... IT'S NOT FAIR!

Written Oct 1994