I......Lover Poem by Raja Ali

Hi my names is Arham Rajput and I am dying. I do not have time to tell you everything but, this is it. I'm on my last frontier.

I don't even know where to begin. It all happened so fast. It was a blur or destiny. I still don't know.

People always told me that love was not all what it looked like. And I believed that I may never find love because I was so selfish and arrogant. I could never stand my family let alone another person. But I guess life has a funny way of surprising you in the worst time. Yep I said it, it was bad, I mean I was going through a lot of bad stuff.
We had just moved back from Chicago to Islamabad. And being away from Pakistan for over two years, kind of made me miss it. Moving through choices, we ended up moving to this apartment building in F-10 Markaz, Silver Oaks. It looked alright, had a park in front of it and all, so I was fine with it.
I moved my stuff in, my family all were getting settled in. With all the hassle of moving and stuff, we were good in a week. I started going to the park, walking, working out, the usual. The first few days, were fine and life didn't seem quite as boring as it was. Well I was feeling good after a long time.
On my way back from the park one day, I met this real cool uncle, awesome really, I introduced myself, we talked a while when we took the elevator our floors. As the elevator stopped on the second floor. It turned out, that he was my neighbor, Mr Ahmed. I didn't know that so after a while we saw each other coincidently quite frequently. And I got to know him and he told me that his son was living with him and that he works in a bank. We kind of hit it off. After some time his daughter, Sarah moved in with him, she seemed nice and soon we were friends. She was a good person and an awesome chick to hang out with. It seemed quite amazing chilling and talking to her. So obviously we talked a lot and played dodge ball together, it was fun.
My sister Amna, though she is pretty cool, but I found Sarah quite relatable so I loved hanging around her. As time passed I felt as if my past was catching up to me. So for a while I isolated myself and just studied when I could and stuff. Even my mom and dad thought it was weird, which to be honest was plenty. But what can I say, when I'm down, I am down.
It has been three months and I am still not a fan of this place, I mean its fine but not great as hoped. So I was planning on telling dad to move somewhere else. My friend called me that day and was pretty upset and it sounded serious so I met him and we dealt with his so called ISSUES, and worked them out.
I remember like it was yesterday, it was 19th March,2013, about 6pm and I came and I realized that I forgot my wallet at my friends place so I called him and brought it. I walked outside in the park for some time and then returned. Ate my dinner and went outside again to the small corridor outside our apartment. Lights were out so it was dark and I sat on the stairs, and was listening to music. It was around 9, and I was bored as hell, my friend called me again and this call is very important to what I am about to tell you. Now the thing is that if this call had come even a few seconds later, this story would have never begun. It was the precise timing of this call and what happened after is what changed me completely.
I picked the phone, it was him, Zain, I talked and I was listening to him, I heard footsteps and noise, I thought someone must be coming upstairs. So I didn't bother much, after a few seconds, Zain disconnected the phone. And just as I was about to call him back, I pressed the flash light button on the phone in a hurry. And as the light flashed, I saw my neighbor Mr Ahmed coming up. So I said hi to him, then to Sarah and Yasir, her younger brother. Now I was turning the light off, but my phone kept hanging up and couldn't turn off the light. So just as I was trying to turn it off, It went off, and then a few seconds later, it turned back on. Now guys this is the part, that moment, that glare, that infinite amount of love, care, delight, and a lot more just mixed, fused together in a flurry of emotions. I saw her…..and what a sight, DEAR GOD! , it was like nothing I had ever felt before, like something perfect, it was just indescribable, just so pure. I had never ever felt this way. NEVER! Had I felt this openness, this fear, this delight, I was amazed.
It just took me a glance, and there you have it, I was in love. Not the boring kind no, Romeo and Juliet, bigger even, I was gone. My heart was not mine anymore.
Just a few seconds and I had to look away so as to not look weird, and not to scare her. She passed me by, and her cherry scent was so intense, It just got to me. She went inside her apartment. I didn't know she was also Mr Ahmed's daughter, and I was just mesmerized.
The next day I wanted to go and talk to her but I couldn't, I had never felt this way before, and if I saw her face, I'd get all shy and stuff. So therefore in order to avoid seeing her, I used to go out at night, like to walk or jog so I wouldn't see her when she would go to the park with her friends. I was doing great at it, until one day when I was playing dodge ball with Sarah and one of her friends, she came down running and scolded Sarah and took her away. Now this whole thing lasted about a minute or two, she was shouting, screaming, angry, but all I could think of was her, that I was seeing her That I was close to her, even though I was standing quite far. As her mouth was moving, her hair flowing, her hands were pawing, I couldn't think of anything more precious. Sarah introduced me to her shortly before they went back to their place. Her name was Arzoo. Now our first talk wasn't as I expected but it was something.
So afterwards, from then on, we kind of saw each other daily, sometimes we would talk, and mostly just stand and lean against the wall with others. I couldn't realize it then how much of an impact she will have for the rest of my life. But I never stopped caring about her. Sarahs friend, Dania, also lived in the apartments close to them. And she was good friends with Arzoo too and they talked about everything. I could have told Dania how I felt about Arzoo and this story would never have happened but I didn't know they were close back then. And all was going great until, this guy from her class, Saim asked her out. She talked to Dania, she told her to say yes, and there it was, Saim and Arzoo, a couple now. I knew that guy was shady and would only use her and then dump her. I told Allie that, but she was so obsessed with him that she mistook a crush for love and got hurt.
Now through all that was going on in her life, I was the constant good thing, Id always give without asking for anything in return. And she didn't realize that I was hopelessly falling in love with her. It was the day of me moving out of Silver Oaks, it was the day when I really got to talk to her. It was my birthday and we talked, we went to the roof, did a lot of crazy stuff. We got so comfortable with us that we would sneak out of our places at night and meet on her roof. Now I love that girl to death but whenever she would meet me she would be talking to Saim or Shazeb (Her ex-boyfriend) who she duped afterwards. Now she would make me wait a lot and then when she came, her phone was constantly ringing. After her call and what not, we would walk together on the roof, holding hands, and just enjoying the breeze. We did it almost every day, even if its her school night, my college night, my work night, I was sick, she was sick, no matter what, we just had to see each other. We were addicted to each other. Even with Saim in the picture, she felt a deep connection to me somehow and I felt the same way. Once when I was about to say bye when we meet I was about to go and just as I went my hand touched hers and she grabbed mine. But it was so light that I didn't notice then. When I was going to sleep at night, It came to me, why the hell didn't I grab her hand back? Why? Isnt that what I wanted all along, to be able to tell that angle how I feel about her, and that the whole world falls victim to her simplicity and kindness, Oh I really did. But what if we lost our friendship along the way. I cannot take a chance on that. But I guess I will have to, I knew about the pain I was going to suffer, the trauma, and the fatal yet charismatic expectations of new love but what can I say, I am a romantic.

Then on one of our sneaks, I told her discreetly about a girl I am in love with but cannot tell her. She wanted to know, so I walked around the topic for a while and she kept asking so at the end of our sneak. At around 4: 20 am, I told her that it is you, I love you, and then I pulled her towards me and kissed her. It was a risk but I had to take it. The moment I kissed her, I felt so complete, so whole, that nothing else mattered. She was wearing a greenish yellowish shirt and tights. Her face was glowing, and she had that spark in our eyes, I still don't know what it is, only if she had known how I felt about her fully, this all would have been avoided. But that's life, it keeps hitting you until you hit back.

So on the next sneak, she wore red, and oh my god, she looked like a princess, I wanted to tell her but I couldn't, later I did, but let's not go there just yet. We were lying on the roof looking at the stars, I would try to find the reason why I love her so much, but I couldn't because if I need a reason to love her now, I would have a reason to leave her someday too. So I just kept giving her all my care, trust, and support whenever she needed it. I would give her a shoulder to cry on when she was sad, a reason to smile when she was mad and looking at her the way I do always make her glad. Wow that rhymes.

Things got serious, but she was confused, she felt betrayed that she might be cheating Saim, and she made a huge mess about it as to he will get hurt and he cannot live without me. Without realizing it is the same Saim that she would dump later. Well, she told me not to see her again, and that night, I cried, we were on a sneak and then she left. I cried a lot, I was on the roof floor, then the buildings guard came and gave me some water and lifted me up. I talked to him and we became friends.

There was a brief overlap when we didn't see each other, most of my exes through themselves at me but all I could think about was her, nothing else. Her hair, her scent, her touch, her voice, was a part of me now. And I loved her more than anything in this world. But she didn't understand.

We went through a lot together, our senses, our passion, nothing we had not done together. She is and will always stay a part of me. It has been sixteen months, and God knows, I haven't felt different about her since the day I saw her for the first time. My love only grew. All I asked was her heart and she couldn't even give me that. And I gave her my everything.

Just because my love story, didn't end happily, it doesn't mean it is not a love story. And even today I wait for her, every second, every minute, and every day, that she would find my heart the way she did back then. And I know she will, because she is not just a girl. She is…..my life line.

Arham stop talking to your phone now, its time for lunch.
"Nurse can you get his bed up please? " said mom.
"Sure" nurse said.

The doctor hadn't come today, yeah well I tried to commit suicide, but it didn't work so here I am in hopes that she will know what she means to me.....