I'Ve Been Selfish. Poem by Daniel Gelinas

I Stagger across the angry sand.

Tripping over my feet, falling on my face.

Hot dust fills my lungs.

Bile spews from me, coursing through me.

Dark thoughts plague my mind, enslave my soul.

My dreams are haunted.

When I awake, dreams become harsh reality.

Pale specters howl their approval as hot coils bind me where I lie.

My mind is split, the world is turning.

Another being is formed, cut from my body.

A figure called Reckless.

Callus; Crass; Heartless; Half.

A lurid, looming figure who laughs without hearing, jeers without seeing.

It happens again; a churning in my stomach, I start to retch.

Reckless casts a harsh look down at me and laughs with a rattling sound.

Boiling anger plumes from my insides as my world shatters, Reckless continues to laugh.

I scream at the World, curse the Heavens, damn the Earth.

Reckless is cackling maliciously, urging me on, reveling in my delicious
anguish.

Jagged knives slice my skin, peel my flesh; bear down on my body without consequence.

My heart beats savagely, a drum without rhythm.

Faster and faster.

My thoughts churning, bubbling, frothing, rising as Reckless continues to bawl with laughter.

Darts flying without direction, music without staff, a circus without a ring.

In the midst of all this, a deep voice penetrates the madness and rings out from far away.

The chaos is halted, Reckless freezes where he stands.

I stop my heaving heart, calm my stewing mind, and for once in what has felt like eternity;

Clarity, Purpose, Morals and Reason join me at my side.

It is now Reckless who is curled in the fetal position, Reckless who now fears the jeer.

I turn to my friends and admit, 'I've been selfish'.