I Will Always Be Poem by ESPN CHICK

Oh how I want to be whole
But nothing will ever make me whole
I will always be this broken girl
And this girl who is filled with pain from head to toe
I tried to pick up the pieces of my broken body
But I dropped every piece after hitting rock bottom

I figured out that I won't ever be whole
That I will always have this pain
I will always feel alone and hurting
Even though my pain has became numb
I still feel pain each and every day

I don't care if I died here tonight
I know I'm going to hell and no one can save me
I'm so lost that I know I won't be accepted above
I need to get prepared to go down below
I tried to be saved but I just don't know what to believe
I'm tired of trying

Tired of barely hanging on
I'm confused and I don't know how much more I can take
Cause I am alone forever and always
I will be this girl who was always the one who loved to be
alone
Always loved being alone cause everyone else did me
wrong

And I've always hated what I see in mirror
Hate that I'm broken and filled with pain
Seems like things never go my way
I've always had a broken smile
My smile was never real
Always put on my smile when no one was looking
I made everyone believe that I was fine

But they finally caught up with me and my lies
Then they got worried thought I was gonna commit suicide
And they started saying all the wrong things and some
people still do
What do I need to do to prove that I'm okay
And okay is all I will ever be

They think I need help and someone finally got help for me
But I don't need it I don't anyone to talk to
I got my writings to talk to and keep me company
Talking to someone isn't going to help me
Especially someone I don't even hardly know
Let me be please cause I am okay
I am forever and always okay

Can you see it in my eyes
Do you know that I'm okay
I don't think you believe me
By writing that's how I feel better that's how I know I'm
okay
Don't you know that I'm okay I will always be the girl who
is just okay nothing more nothing less

I'm broken and nothing or no one can fix that
I will never be whole
Just because you all are happy and whole
Doesn't mean that I have to be whole
You don't even care how I feel
Cause if you did you would listen to me
You would respect these words I say

But you will never understand
None of you will
What's the point of even trying
Even trying to get through to you
Cause I will never get through to you

But I promise I am okay
And okay is all I will ever be
Forever and always I will be broken
Nothing and no one can repair me
You can try but you will never succeed
And I will never be whole
Always will be filled with pain

I will never be in love
Cause love just isn't for me
And love isn't what I need
I need a life for just me, myself, and I
I can handle that I will forever be broken

That forever I will be bruised inside
I can handle anything
Cause I am solid as a rock
I have my shield up
Anything you say will reflect off of me
I am protected by my shield
I will always be this girl who is forever lost and alone

Do you understand all I just said
You don't want to understand do you
Cause if you did you would back off and leave me alone
Leave me to die in this pain
I would do anything to be alone

Cause I don't need anymore pain
I don't need to be broken anymore
There's already a million pieces of my broken body lying
everywhere
Its going to take forever to pick them up if I ever decide
to
I just wish I could go somewhere else
Create a whole new me
Where no one ever has to know that I'm broken and
bruised

They might see it in my eyes
But I will try to cover it up in the mirror
I know for sure though that I will forever be broken
I will forever be this lonesome girl
The girl who is bleeding forever on the inside

January 29,2008