If Not Me Then Who? Poem by Amy Ludidi

must i read books that tell me
who my maker is, written by you
though you come in many faces
claiming redemption and guidance
although i suspect misguidance
as i see past your disguises
tell me who you want me to be

must i give rise to your ego
so that i may satisfy
your worldly needs
which you claim i must give up
who do you want me to be?

must i lay down, get run over and die
so you may have something
to shed your crocodile tears for?
will your heart bleed
when i finally get up
and try again?
tell me who you want me to be
exatly!

must i wear tight minis,
stilletos, rings, silver loops
and put chemical in my hair
so that you can tell
your friends about me?
it seems as though this box,
this cubicle that you have
caged me in is not enough
so am i a rebel when i want out?
these standards that you set
about yourself, your truth,
the way, my life i cannot fit in
so who would you rather i be?

it seems that your greed refuses
to see past my physical
killing my very seed
taking away my internal soul
turning me ill
when it seems all that matters
is the creed and the colour
who would you rather i be?

must i take off rather rip off
this skin that you loathe so much?
must i sell my soul so i may
satisfy this need that you have
to see only just this perception,
this expression that you have of me?
this expression that you have
manuevred so that i remain
dead inside
who would you rather i be?
if not me then who?
who do you want me to be?

and so i die a million deaths,
trying, fighting to be reborn
again into my own so i may be
who my maker intended for me to be
i am who i am
not who you want me to be

soilchild