elena winters

Rookie (august 11 / joliet illinois)

Invisible Is Her


she ran out of the building with tears streaming down her cheeks
wondering how could she be so stupid to marry a cheat he was her everything her one and only true love

'why......why' was all she managed to say

as she ran into the rush hour traffic not paying attention to her surroundings
first there was headlights a honking horn and then.........there was darkness



whats wrong moma why are you crying?
hello!
moma answer me!
why are you ignoring me!
somebody please tell me whats going on?
why are you guys crying?
say something to me?
dad! ! ! !
mom! ! ! !

then she glanced at a card that was on the night stand
with a confused look on her face


she screamed and yelled but no one can hear her
no one can see her
no one can touch her


IN LOVING MEMORY OF HER

Submitted: Thursday, November 13, 2008
Edited: Friday, November 14, 2008

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  • Rookie Autum Skiles (2/2/2009 8:45:00 PM)

    All I can say is this is so breath taking....It reached deep within my soul..I could actually feel the pain! Keep writing..its a gift you have..I am in awe of this piece of work~autum (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Kesav Easwaran (11/27/2008 8:36:00 PM)

    sad and stunning imagery you build here, Breeze...aweful write...good...ten for this piece (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Blue Eyes (11/27/2008 8:02:00 PM)

    what an imagery.it is confusing at the begenning but it makes sense at last.it is interesting to read (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Carl Harris (11/19/2008 10:03:00 PM)

    This is a very emotional poem and features vivid imagery in it. What it lacks in writing discipline, it clearly makes up in emotional impact. For example, your first line, though a trifle long, is fine, but that second line nearly runs off the page, while your third line consists of only three words! Since this is a free style poem, you can move some of it to begin the third line by ending the second line with the word 'was' and starting the third line with 'he was her...' It reads better that way, too. Having been a young poet myself, I once thought, like all young poets do, that my words were set in stone and could not be changed or improved in any way.
    Fortunately, I wised up and learned how to write, like most poets eventually do. Once you have written a poem, it is not really finished. You must go through a process of trying to improve what you have said, make it more effective and a better all around write. Once you learn this, you will become a better poet, for you clearly have the talent to express yourself. Carl. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Evaughn Gray (11/13/2008 10:01:00 PM)

    wow that was just a beautiful, it was wow, i really love this one it 's a ten on my list! ~Hazel G.E (Report) Reply

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